Know your story and develop your boundaries.

Author: Charlotte Evans

I get a lot of clients and practitioners telling me that they have a had time with boundaries.  Both their own and their customers.  There is a lot of work that you can do around boundaries, and discovering your limitations can make working with others so much easier and a much more joyful experience for both of you.

Your story of how your boundaries get set in place is made up of your life's journey and events.  Some of them you will remember vividly, but most of these incidents are 'forgotten' or buried because of the internal reactions and unconscious decisions that were made by you when they occurred.

To dig down into your current energetic state and find anywhere where you feel there may be leaks or thin boundary walls, you will need to uncover your story.  This is the stuff that we did to survive life as children.  Nearly everybody has some issue that they are not entirely comfortable with or that they feel they need to be 'better' at.  Most of this energetic pattern is formed in our childhoods.  Even childhoods they were great will have left some elements of struggle.  When working with clients, I explain the five-step sequence of an event, based on the work of Cyndi Dale.

There are five elements in uncovering your 'story' and sequence of events that have lead to your energetic boundary issues.

1. Your imprisoned self:

If an event is really big or powerfully hurtful then it will lock into our system at the age we were when the event happened.  That part of 'us' then doesn't stretch and grow and our reactions to the situation as an adult might appear 'childish', it might spark your pain body and it probably drives you and your partner a little bit nuts.  It is like that part of you is in a prison as a 4-year-old.  You will need to set them free.

2. The safety violation:

This is about the event actually threatening your survival whether physical, spiritual emotional or mental. Your sense of feeling or being safe became violated.

3. Your security decision:

To survive you had to decide at lightning speed what you were going to do.  This happened so quickly that you didn't get to energetically protect yourself.  Think about how you react to something now as an adult particularly if it makes you uncomfortable.  You know that conflict is going to bring up emotion for you, so you will mentally and energetically prepare for that.  As a child, you had to make a split-second decision, and there was no energetic armour.  You just did what you did to survive.

4. The syndrome:

It is inevitable that your survival decision gets locked into your emotional development and energetic boundaries.  What syndrome or set of thoughts/actions has developed because of this decision?

5. The need:

In a perfect world, you would develop appropriate and resistant boundaries and not have any gaps, syndromes or pain bodies associated wth boundaries.  The need is what was supposed to have happened in the event.  How should you have been treated?  What would it feel like now if you had been loved, respected, nurtured, valued or empowered to speak your truth?

Once you have an understanding of the situations that caused you not to have healthy boundaries you can start to mend them.